Aan wie ben jij loyaal door niet vol voor het leven te gaan?

“Als je nu denkt aan je moeder, waar om je heen zie je haar dan?” Deze zin opent de oefening die ik met moeders doe om te onderzoeken hoe zij zich verhouden tot de mensen om zich heen. En dan bedoel ik niet de kassière in de supermarkt, maar de ouders, partner en eigen kinderen.

Iedereen heeft een 3D weergave in zijn hoofd van zijn familie en de onderlinge verhoudingen. Deze weergave wordt al gevormd in de kindertijd. Veel patronen en sociaal gedrag is gebaseerd op dit plaatje in je hoofd. Mensen leren hiermee al vroeg bepaalde gedragspatronen te gebruiken en andere te vermijden.

Waar je je familieleden in je gedachten ziet en voelt, bepaalt je houding en communicatie met hen.Hoe meer verhalen ik van moeders hoor hoe minder verbaasd ik ben als een moeder, die verbinding met haar moeder mist, op die eerste vraag lang stil blijft. Want waar is mijn moeder eigenlijk?
Zoals ik in mijn vorige blog al schreef is zo’n moeder vaak niet vindbaar, niet beschikbaar en druk met háár moeder (oma).

Of, zoals ik deze week tegenkwam, een moeder die juist vlak voor haar neus stond: “benauwend.” En toen ik vroeg om moeder liefdevol en met respect een stapje terug te laten doen, schoot moeder (de cliënt in dit geval) vol in de weerstand. Ze voelt aan alles dat ze moeder wil steunen en opvrolijken en kan het niet over haar hart verkrijgen haar meer op afstand te zetten. Ik leg moeder uit dat iedereen zijn eigen last draagt en hoe zij alleen vol voor haar eigen leven kan gaan door de last van haar moeder dáár te laten. Uit liefde en respect voor haar moeder en zichzelf. Deze cliënt vindt het lastig tot ik haar vraag hoe zij het zou vinden als haar zoontje haar lasten zou helpen dragen. Ze schudt haar hoofd: “nee, hij mag vrij zijn.” In de stilte die dan valt is het vallende kwartje bijna hoorbaar.“
Hij mag vrij zijn… Mag jij ook vrij zijn?”
“Ja.”

Vanaf daar vallen de puzzelstukjes één voor één op hun plek en kan moeder de rust en ruimte die daardoor ontstaat voelen en vastpakken.

Kinderen zijn loyaal aan hun ouders, maar als je zó loyaal bent dat je niet beschikbaar bent voor je kinderen, wie help je dan?

614 reacties

  3. Please let me know if you’re looking for a writer for your weblog. You have some really good articles and I think I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d absolutely love to write some articles for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please blast me an e-mail if interested. Many thanks!

  8. An interesting discussion is worth comment. There’s no doubt that that you need to write more about this subject matter, it may not be a taboo subject but typically people don’t speak about such issues. To the next! Many thanks!!

  11. I just could not depart your site prior to suggesting that I really loved the standard info a person provide in your guests? Is going to be back steadily in order to check up on new posts

  33. сервисный центр тойота [url=http://yourmoscow.ru/posts/pokupka-avtomobilja-toiota-s-probegom-chek-list-proverki-i-rekomendacii-po-obsluzhivaniyu.html]сервисный центр тойота[/url]

  40. ставки на спорт Литвы [url=https://medium.com/@vit.blagod/%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B0%D0%B2%D0%BA%D0%B8-%D0%BD%D0%B0-%D1%81%D0%BF%D0%BE%D1%80%D1%82-%D0%B2-%D0%BB%D0%B8%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5-%D0%BE%D1%81%D0%BE%D0%B1%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B8-%D1%80%D1%8B%D0%BD%D0%BA%D0%B0-%D0%B8-%D0%BF%D0%BE%D0%BF%D1%83%D0%BB%D1%8F%D1%80%D0%BD%D1%8B%D0%B5-%D0%BD%D0%B0%D0%BF%D1%80%D0%B0%D0%B2%D0%BB%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%B8%D1%8F-702bcfa2a741]ставки на спорт Литвы[/url]

  44. ставки на спорт Литвы [url=https://medium.com/@vit.blagod/%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B0%D0%B2%D0%BA%D0%B8-%D0%BD%D0%B0-%D1%81%D0%BF%D0%BE%D1%80%D1%82-%D0%B2-%D0%BB%D0%B8%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5-%D0%BE%D1%81%D0%BE%D0%B1%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B8-%D1%80%D1%8B%D0%BD%D0%BA%D0%B0-%D0%B8-%D0%BF%D0%BE%D0%BF%D1%83%D0%BB%D1%8F%D1%80%D0%BD%D1%8B%D0%B5-%D0%BD%D0%B0%D0%BF%D1%80%D0%B0%D0%B2%D0%BB%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%B8%D1%8F-702bcfa2a741]ставки на спорт Литвы[/url]

  57. заказать кухню по индивидуальным размерам в спб [url=https://kuhni-spb-61.ru]заказать кухню по индивидуальным размерам в спб[/url]

  64. кухня на заказ спб от производителя недорого [url=https://kuhni-spb-59.ru]кухня на заказ спб от производителя недорого[/url]

  103. Unlock incredible rewards today with [url=https://true-fortune-casino.uk/]true fortune casin no deposit bonus[/url] and maximize your winning potential at True Fortune Casino!
    Players can trust that game results are random and fair.

  105. If you want to easily calculate your potential winnings and understand the bets, use this [url=https://lucky-15-bet-calculator.uk/]sky bet lucky 15 one winner bonus[/url].
    Each selection you choose can either win or lose, impacting different parts of your bet.

  106. starz888 [url=https://888starzuzs.com/]https://888starzuzs.com/[/url] saytida qimor o‘yinlarining eng yangi va ishonchli versiyalarini topishingiz mumkin.
    Sayt foydalanuvchilarga turli to‘lov usullari orqali mablag‘ kiritish va chiqarish imkonini beradi.

  126. Hey there! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I really enjoy reading your articles. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same subjects? Thanks!

  131. Wonderful website. Lots of helpful information here. I am sending it to a few friends ans also sharing in delicious. And naturally, thank you to your effort!

  192. Heya! I realize this is somewhat off-topic however I needed to ask. Does managing a well-established blog such as yours require a lot of work? I am completely new to running a blog but I do write in my diary daily. I’d like to start a blog so I will be able to share my experience and thoughts online. Please let me know if you have any ideas or tips for new aspiring bloggers. Appreciate it!

  222. прокапаться от алкоголя на дому нижний новгород [url=https://kapelnicza-ot-pokhmelya-nizhnij-novgorod-7.ru]прокапаться от алкоголя на дому нижний новгород[/url]

  233. Wonderful goods from you, man. I have be mindful your stuff prior to and you’re just extremely fantastic. I really like what you’ve received here, really like what you’re saying and the best way through which you assert it. You make it enjoyable and you still take care of to keep it smart. I can not wait to read much more from you. That is really a tremendous site.

  264. нарколог на дом круглосуточно воронеж цены [url=https://narkolog-na-dom-voronezh-14.ru]нарколог на дом круглосуточно воронеж цены[/url]

  265. сколько стоит поставить капельницу в екатеринбурге [url=https://kapelnicza-ot-pokhmelya-ekaterinburg-17.ru]сколько стоит поставить капельницу в екатеринбурге[/url]

  306. поставить капельницу на дому екатеринбург цена [url=https://kapelnicza-ot-pokhmelya-ekaterinburg-17.ru]поставить капельницу на дому екатеринбург цена[/url]

  396. прокапать после тяжелого похмелья телефон воронеж [url=https://kapelnicza-ot-pokhmelya-voronezh-18.ru]прокапать после тяжелого похмелья телефон воронеж[/url]

  570. вывести из запоя в домашних условиях капельница [url=https://kapelnicza-ot-pokhmelya-nizhnij-novgorod-6.ru]вывести из запоя в домашних условиях капельница[/url]

  571. Aw, this was an extremely good post. Finding the time and actual effort to create a really good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a lot and never manage to get anything done.

  593. Thank you for your sharing. I am worried that I lack creative ideas. It is your article that makes me full of hope. Thank you. But, I have a question, can you help me?

  594. After looking into a number of the articles on your web page, I honestly like your technique of writing a blog. I book marked it to my bookmark site list and will be checking back in the near future. Please visit my web site too and let me know your opinion.

  596. Hi, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blog site in Ie, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, very good blog!

  597. Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website before but after checking through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Anyways, I’m definitely happy I found it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back often!

  599. This makes it perfect for beginners and experienced bettors alike.
    fractional to decimal odds [url=http://www.single-betcalculator.com/odds-explained/]https://single-betcalculator.com/odds-explained/[/url]

  603. Using a single bet calculator simplifies the betting process and helps manage finances effectively.
    treble accumulator calculator [url=http://www.single-bet-calculator-free.com/bet-calculator/treble/]https://single-bet-calculator-free.com/bet-calculator/treble/[/url]

  604. A single bet calculator is an essential tool for anyone interested in betting.
    doubles calculator [url=single-betcalculator.uk/bet-calculator/double]https://single-betcalculator.uk/bet-calculator/double/[/url]

  605. I really love your site.. Great colors & theme. Did you create this site yourself? Please reply back as I’m trying to create my own personal website and want to know where you got this from or exactly what the theme is named. Thanks!

  609. Per vivere l’adrenalina del Crazy Time nei casino italiani, visita [url=https://crazy-timedemo.com/]cos\\\’e crazy time[/url] e scopri demo, statistiche e partite in diretta.
    Scegliendo Crazy Time, gli utenti uniscono divertimento e prospettive concrete di vincita.

  610. Se vuoi vivere l’emozione unica del gioco d’azzardo, non perdere l’occasione di provare [url=https://crazy-timeitaly.com/]soldi finti crazy time[/url] per scoprire il miglior intrattenimento casino in Italia!
    In Italia, Crazy Time Slot Casino e riconosciuto come uno dei casino online piu famosi. Gli utenti italiani preferiscono Crazy Time Slot per l’ampia varieta di giochi e la facilita d’uso della piattaforma. Molti puntano su Crazy Time Slot Casino Italy grazie alle sue misure di sicurezza e alla serieta del servizio.
    La piattaforma offre un’esperienza utente fluida e gradevole, ideale per tutte le tipologie di giocatori. Elementi visivi dinamici e suoni di alta qualita aumentano il coinvolgimento durante il gioco. Grazie alla piena compatibilita con smartphone e tablet, il divertimento e garantito in movimento.

  614. My spouse and I stumbled over here coming from a different web address and thought I might as well check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you. Look forward to finding out about your web page repeatedly.

Geef een reactie

Het e-mailadres wordt niet gepubliceerd. Vereiste velden zijn gemarkeerd met *