Stop met reageren vanuit oud trauma

Reageer jij ook weleens buitensporig heftig op een gebeurtenis? Je wordt meegesleept in de situatie en de omstandigheden. Je kind is overstuur, maar jij doet er zo mogelijk nog een schepje bovenop door geïrriteerd of woedend te reageren.

Als je direct reageert op wat er gebeurt zonder dat je bewust invloed hebt gehad op hoe je wilt reageren, reageer je vaak vanuit oude overtuigingen, triggers of trauma. Je hebt het moment gemist dat áltijd aanwezig is tussen een gebeurtenis en je reactie, waarop je bewust kunt kiezen hoe je reageert.

Door meer verbonden te zijn met jezelf, vergroot je de kans dat je flexibel en effectief reageert. Die reactie zal meer helpend zijn voor jou én je kind.

Bij sommige ouders zit hun emmer bijna standaard ‘vol’. Het is veel en zwaar en het lukt niet voldoende om te ontspannen. Je zit vol met gedachten, emoties, herinneringen of zorgelijke toekomstscenario’s.

Als je emmer vol zit, herhalen hardnekkige patronen zich en draai je steeds verder vast in de interactie met je kind.

Ouders in mijn praktijk lopen bijna zonder uitzondering in meer of mindere mate tegen dit probleem aan. Soms is de waterval aan voorbeelden en problemen niet te stuiten en wordt de emmer bijna letterlijk voor mijn voeten leeg gegooid.

Toch is het niet nodig om uitgebreid alle probleemsituaties langs te lopen en te analyseren. De belangrijkste vraag waar ik antwoord op wil is: “hoe en waar raakt dit gedrag jóu?”

Door dat gevoel te identificeren en lokaliseren (waar in je lichaam voel je dit?) kunnen we je onbewuste gericht vragen dit gevoel terug te volgen naar de allereerste keer waarop dit ontstaan is.

Dat kleine meisje dat daar in die situatie is gaan geloven wat ze nu nog gelooft (over zichzelf of de wereld om zich heen) helpen we door het de stem te geven die ze toen niet had. Daarmee wordt de trigger opgelost en zul je merken dat je niet meer zo diep geraakt wordt door het gedrag van je kind. Door vervolgens vanuit rust en in verbinding met jezelf te reageren, zal ook je kind direct kalmeren. En nog fijner: je kind zal het “onmogelijke gedrag” steeds minder en minder frequent laten zien.

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