Jij bent het speerpunt

Ieder van ons heeft twee ouders, vier grootouders, acht overgrootouders, enzovoorts. Rijen en rijen dik staan ze (systemisch gezien) achter je. In steeds breder wordende rijen staan de generaties voorouders achter je opgesteld. Als je je dat zo voorstelt ben jij het speerpunt van een speer die achter jou steeds breder wordt. Door je al die generaties achter je in te beelden, merk je misschien hoe je kunt leunen op de energie die daar achter je staat. Voel de steun van al die jaren levenservaring achter je.

Ik trof ooit een klant die dat leunen op haar ouders lastig vond. Haar band met haar vader was niet goed en eigenlijk wilde ze zo min mogelijk met hem te maken hebben. Ze vermeed familiebijeenkomsten en hield zich steeds meer afzijdig. De redenen om bij haar vader uit de buurt te blijven waren volstrekt begrijpelijk.

Ik heb haar uitgelegd hoe een kind de spiegel is van de ouders en de generaties daarachter. Via de voorouders wordt het leven doorgegeven en stroomt het uiteindelijk via je ouders in jou. Niemand anders dan deze ouders konden dit leven aan jou doorgeven. Daardoor ben je onlosmakelijk verbonden met het familiesysteem en de bijbehorende geschiedenis. Dit systeem is altijd het juiste voor jou.

Dat wat je afwijst bij je ouder installeer je vanuit onbewuste loyaliteit juist bij jezelf. Door los te laten wat niet van jou is, doorbreek je dit. Als je besluit om contact met (in dit geval) je vader te vermijden, is het belangrijk om hem innerlijk wel zijn plek te gunnen. Zet hem achter je en accepteer alles wat hij je gegeven heeft (het mooie en het minder mooie) én alles wat hij je niet gegeven heeft, ook al had je dat gehoopt. Die innerlijke verbinding zal jou (én de generaties na jou!) goed doen.

En dus laat ik haar in een denkbeeldige cirkel staan, met haar vader daarbuiten. Ze zegt: “ik eer je als mijn vader met alles wat je me gegeven en niet gegeven hebt. Ik had liever gehad dat jij mij echt kon zien, maar dat was niet zo en dus laat ik die verwachting nu los.” Dit uitspreken zorgt voor meer kracht, meer rust en meer ontspanning in haar lichaam.

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