Hoe je weer ruimte creëert voor jezelf én je kind

Eén van de eerste oefeningen die ik met een moeder doe die hulp zoekt voor haar en haar kind is het creëren van ruimte. Eigenlijk vertellen alle moeders hetzelfde als ik hen vraag: “waar om je heen zie je jouw kind als je aan hem denkt?” Dat kind staat namelijk recht voor hun neus en meestal zo dichtbij en op ooghoogte dat moeder er nauwelijks omheen kan kijken. Het beeld is zó ingezoomd dat veel moeders dit als benauwend of beklemmend ervaren, maar ze vinden het tegelijkertijd moeilijk om meer afstand te nemen.

Ook de moeder die ik deze week sprak vroeg ik haar kind liefdevol op armlengte te zetten, zodat ze haar dochter eens wat beter kon bekijken. Dit stuitte direct op weerstand, want ze wilde haar kind niet “loslaten en wegzetten”. Ik nodigde haar uit om haar dochter uit liefde vast te pakken en voorzichtig op armlengte te houden -zonder haar los te laten-, zodat ze haar eens goed kon bekijken. Er ontstond direct een ander beeld. Ze was nu in staat haar kind van top tot teen te bekijken en te zien wat zij allemaal al geleerd had en wat er al goed gaat. Het was vervolgens makkelijker de liefde en verbinding voor haar kind te voelen, omdat de spanning wegviel. Door het kind (onbewust) dichtbij zich te houden, probeert een moeder haar eigen kindsdeel te herstellen. Het kind probeert op zijn beurt (onbewust) voor moeder te zorgen, omdat het voelt dat zij (haar kindsdeel) dat nodig heeft.

Deze oefening levert twee dingen op: enerzijds ontstaat er weer ruimte om de liefde en verbinding te laten stromen, anderzijds wordt duidelijk wat van moeder is en wat van het kind. Dit is een belangrijke voorwaarde voor de vervolgstappen die we zetten. Wordt vervolgd…

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